Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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