just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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