theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
