she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is this the sara with the beer cane?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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