it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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