I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
