Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You were trust falling into bushes
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
