dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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