am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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