I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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