im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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