My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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