She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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