I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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