You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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