What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize