i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize