ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
