to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
