the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
