I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
did you just send me my own nude
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
