Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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