I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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