I'm lost and stupid without you.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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