i already hear my dad disowning me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
