I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
