there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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