I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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