The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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