In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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