she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
