I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize