I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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