butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
