Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
