i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
