If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
