Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
