i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
