Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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