is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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