I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
