my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
