remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
