Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
