What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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