I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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