You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
