even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize