I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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