From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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