Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
