tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
