In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
