It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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