So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
