I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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