I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
