i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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