tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
