I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
