U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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