Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
