Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
