She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
