She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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