It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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