My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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