I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize