smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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