atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
