I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
