Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
