Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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