She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
