dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
