my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
