Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize