get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
