sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
