I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize