she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
