I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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