Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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