Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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