I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Boobs are out for the taking
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
