Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
