i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize