He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
