I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
