he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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