Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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