I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All the doctor said was why
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
