we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
