I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
