omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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